Illegal Jesus

Another Inauguration Day

Posted in Uncategorized by indiegoddess on January 20, 2009

Does anyone else have jitters? It’s 5:30 and I’m wide awake. Now, of course, I have the flu, but Writer Writing is wide awake, as well. She’s in the living room with CNN on and I’m itching to turn on MSNBC in my bedroom – even if that means dealing with the insufferable Joe of Morning Joe.

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I Thought That Love Would Last Forever – I Was Wrong

Posted in Uncategorized by indiegoddess on December 31, 2008

This morning,

For my aunt who passed at 2:10 A.M.

For my grandfather – March 19th
For my uncle on his 60th birthday in June.
For my friend after her cancer had gone into remission.
For LeRoi Moore.

For the dozens of people we lost this year, and in hope that we don’t have another year like this for a long time, if ever, again, my favourite poet with one of my favourite poems.

Funeral Blues

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

W.H. Auden

The Best University In the World

Posted in Uncategorized by indiegoddess on December 11, 2008

Yeah, our student body president may have been brutally murdered last year, but did YOUR university flash mob rave the Undergraduate Library during exams and then sing the Alma Mater and Fight Song? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

No one comes together like Tarheels.

Alternate Currency

Posted in Uncategorized by indiegoddess on December 8, 2008

Alternate Currency: “For the first time ever, the phrase 'I'd like to thank everyone at 4chan for making me successful and happy' is uttered.

(Via xkcd.com.)

Oatmeal and Red States

Posted in Uncategorized by indiegoddess on November 20, 2008

There’s a secret to making oatmeal. I just haven’t learned it yet.

I went to bed in a country that elected Barack Obama president, and woke up in a state where my queer friends aren’t allowed to get married, and in the process, I broke a window shade, dealt with a disheartened Pachyderm (whose Noni determined there were to be no peanuts before bed,*) and obliterated the inside of a microwave with mushy, sticky, cooked oatmeal.

Now, at home, I almost have it down. I can put that 1/2 C of oats in, the 1 C of water, stick it in one of our $0.50 matching bowls from the thrift store (we got an entire set! of black plates, cups, saucers, mugs, bowls, dessert plates! for like $13.00! Sometimes being poor is good!) and stick it in the microwave for 2 minutes. It comes thisclose to boiling over, but then RIGHT WHEN IT’S ABOUT TO, beep goes the timer and fwoosh settles the oatmeal and HAZARD AVERTED.

My mom’s oatmeal says “COOKS IN 5 MINUTES!!” on the front of the package. Like this is a good thing. And no, don’t get me started on cookitallnightlong Irish Oatmeal, I’m talking basic every day oaty oatmeal. Five minutes. So I look at the description and it says to cook it at half power for five minutes. Half power? What the fuck is that? I’m motherfucking INDIE GODDESS and I do not do anything at half power.

Except cook my mom’s oatmeal.

So I figured out how to half-power her microwave – a complicated process involving a steam engine and several Clydesdales. I set it all up, then walked away to find my Sensodyne (yes, I’ve yet to finish unpacking. Today is a laundry day! What a college student am I?!).

I came back to the Apocalypse. Inside a microwave.

It’s all cleaned up now, never say I’m not a good daughter. And the broken screen is propped up on itself awaiting the masterful touch of Tobyhanna (she that used to rummage through my garbage for half broken pencils and put them right back in my desk can certainly fix an old screen, right? Right?

*Crickets*

Shit, I’m really fucked, huh?

The moral of this story, and there is one, I promise…The moral of this story is…My mother’s house is now broken. And the only thing that changed between yesterday morning and this morning was the presence of ME. Now, everyone says that Barack Obama is the anti-Christ, and that the apocalypse is coming (beep me), and that Seckrit Muzlimz are going to eat us in our sleep…

But know this. Never forget this (when I found you you were so slobbering drunk you couldn’t buy brandy!!) – For the last three years I’ve been living in a red state. Yes, we did the right thing. Yes, we could. Yes, we did. Yes, we went blue.

But after 30 years of being idiots in North Carolina, God still has a bone to pick with us.

Hence the oatmeal.

* Luckily, his Noni is not the be-all and end-all in Pachyderm peanut procurement.

Prop 8 protest Raleigh NC

Posted in Uncategorized by writerwriting on November 17, 2008



Prop 8 protest Raleigh NC

Originally uploaded by madrigals

Here are my photos from the Prop 8 protest in Raleigh! It rained buckets, for a little bit, and we all got drenched and it was lovely.

South African Singer Miriam Makeba Dies

Posted in Uncategorized by indiegoddess on November 10, 2008

Many here are seeing it as important that “Mama Africa” — as Makeba was dubbed — died after performing for a cause that puts human rights in the spotlight.

via South African Singer Miriam Makeba Dies

Sad now.

I Refuse To Call This Election

Posted in Uncategorized by indiegoddess on November 5, 2008

Until North Carolina is called. I mean, I know that CNN is also not calling MO and IN, but every other channel has called them, and NC is the ONLY STATE THAT IS STILL HANGING.

Not to mention, there are major shenanigans going on with Georgia, and it shouldn’t have been called when it was – and in fact, still has not been.

So, until NC and GA are called, I AM GOING TO BE A TYPICAL DEMOCRAT. CAUSE THERE IS STILL A CHANCE WE COULD LOSE I AM SURE. THERE IS NO WAY WE CAN HAVE WON THIS.

Also, Franken’s calling for a recount in MN (yay!!), Proposition 8 passes (BOO), Kay Hagan beats Liddy Dole (YAY!!!), NC’s governorship stays Dem (Yay!!!!), and Alaska, somehow, elects a 7-time convicted felon to the senate (????)

Anything I’m forgetting?

I turned the TV from The View (had to see Hasselbeck’s reaction (it was lame)) to Gilmore Girls. I was so proud of cutting myself off from election coverage. And then I got bored and put it back on MSNBC.

OMGWTFBBQ!@$!@@~

Posted in Uncategorized by writerwriting on November 5, 2008

YOU GUISE! YOU GUISE!

I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH BARACK OBAMA!

Okay omg. First it was Joey B from DelaWHAT. He thanked me for personally electing him and Obama to Vice President and President, respectively. He gave me a kiss on the cheek through the phone and called me pretty and then asked if we had any ice cream because he’s an ice cream man. OMG. And then he smelled what I was cooking and I told him he could come over to dinner.

And then he was all, “Barack Hussein, the phone is for you!” (I love how he calls Obama ‘Barack Hussein’ omg!). And then..THEN I WAS ON THE PHONE WITH OBAMA!

He sounded suspiciously like Joey B but I think that’s just because they’ve been campaigning together and stuff. So OMG. Obama gave me a job at the White House! I am now his SECRETARY OF AWESOME in his cabinet at the White House. OMG! I don’t remember what my salary is but after taxes, I take home $7 million a day, which means yay! I can buy new pants and new shoes! Huzzah!

AND THEN. He said that Dave Matthews Band wanted to be my friend! So omg I am so excited about that. AND THEY INVITED ME TO CHRISTMAS! Yes! I am going to the mall with Malia and Sasha! He’s giving me a bazillion dollars to go shopping.

Y’ALL IT WAS SO EXCITING!!!!

OTHER THINGS I FORGOT ABOUT:

1. I WAS GIVEN SARAH LAWRENCE COLLEGE TO WITH WHAT I PLEASE.

2. FREE HEALTH CARE, DENTAL INCLUDED, TO EVERYONE I KNOW. HEALTH CARE = NOT EVER DYING.

3. HE TURNED MY PARENTS AND BROTHER INTO DEMOCRATS AND NOW THEY LOVE HIM.

4. HE GOT INDIE GODDESS INTO COLUMBIA AND NOW SHE’S A TEACHER.

5. I GET TO BE NAKED ALL THE TIME IF I WANT AND IT WILL BE BEAUTIFUL.

YOU GUYS. YOU GUYS. I AM CRYING.

I’ma Call This Bitch #2

Posted in Uncategorized by indiegoddess on October 25, 2008

Once again, I am here to tell you – as I predict I will be at least semi-weekly – that Kim Jong Il is totally dead.

I’m almost positive this time.

No, cause seriously, one of these days I’m going to be right, and then I’ll say “I told you so,” and you’ll all have to admit that i did, totally, tell you so.

So, there.