Illegal Jesus

Ana Marie Cox: Mammas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Bloggers

Posted in funny, imagination land, personal, political, television by writerwriting on November 26, 2008

via Ana Marie Cox: Mammas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Bloggers

Okay, so I don’t live in Nebraska and I’m not in middle school, but I wonder if they’d let me join their club? I love Keith and Rachel and Ana Marie (though they would probably not let me in based on how smitten I am over Chris Matthews because ewwww he’s old or something).

Is it 5pm yet? Whoever decided to let everyone but the employees here leave last night should be shanked, and hard, by a big spoon.

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The New York Times – Breaking News, World News & Multimedia

Posted in funny, imagination land by writerwriting on November 13, 2008

Election Eve internets roundup

Posted in 2008 election, funny, imagination land, political by writerwriting on November 3, 2008

First on the list! This hilarious post full of hilarious polling. McCain’s only down by 1 in California? Really? And up by 22 in Pennsylvania?

Next on the list: scary email forwards, ftw! I can always count on people from back home for some lulzy forwards about how Obama is a sekrit Muzlimz who is going to blow up the United States. I got this one a few weeks ago but didn’t read it until last night. Sorry for the formatting and typos. I refuse to alter the original:

Read all of this, for some it may open their eyes to what
> is happening.
>
> According to Revelations
>
>
> This is a matter of opinion and opinions are like (well you
> know) everybody has one.
> My personal opinion? I agree.
> *******************************
> A lot of Americans have become so insulated from
> realitythat they imaginethat America can suffer
> defeatwithout any inconvenience to themselves.
> Pause a moment, reflect back.
>
> These events are actual events from history..
>
> They really happened!!!
>
> Do you remember?
>
> 1. 1968 Bobby Kennedy was shot and killed by a Muslim
> maleextremist.
>
> 2. In 1972 at the Munich Olympics, athletes were kidnapped
> and massacred by Muslim maleextremists.
>
> 3. In 1979, the US embassy in Iran was taken over by Muslim
> maleextremists.
>
> 4. During the 1980’s a number of Americans were
> kidnapped in Lebanon by Muslim maleextremists.
>
> 5. In 1983, the US Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up
> by Muslim male extremists.
>
> 6. In 1985 the cruise ship Achille Lauro was hijacked and a
> 70 year old American passenger was murdered and thrown
> overboard in his wheelchair by Muslim maleextremists.
>
> 7. In 1985 TWA flight 847 was hijacked at Athens, and a US
> Navy diver trying to rescue passengers was murdered by
> Muslim maleextremists. (remember the pilot of this flight
> was from Richmond , MO )
>
>
> 8. In 1988 , Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by Muslim
> maleextremists.
>
> 9. In 1993 the World Trade Center was bombed the first time
> by Muslim maleextremists.
>
> 10. In 1998, the US embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were
> bombed by Muslim maleextremists.
>
> 11. On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked; two were used
> as missiles to take down the World Trade Centers and of the
> remaining two, one crashed into the US Pentagon and the
> other was diverted and crashed by the passengers. Thousands
> of people were killed by Muslim maleextremists.
>
> 12. In 2002 the United States fought a war in Afghanistan
> against Muslim maleextremists.
>
> 13. In 2002 reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and
> murdered by– you guessed it– Muslim male extremists.
>
> Now, I really don’t see a pattern here to justify
> profiling, do you?So, to ensure we Americans never offend
> anyone,particularly fanatics intent on killing us, airport
> security screeners will=2 0no longer be allowed to profile
> certain people….Absolutely No Profiling!
>
> They must conduct random searches of 80-year-old women,
> little kids, airline pilots with proper identification,
> secret agents who are members of the President’s
> security detail, 85-year old Congressmen with metal hips,
> and Medal of Honor winner and former Governor Joe Foss, but
> leave Muslim Males alone lest they be guilty of profiling.
>
> According to The Book of Revelation:
>
> The Anti-Christ will be a man, in his 40’s, of
> MUSLIMdescent, who will deceive the nations with persuasive
> language, and have a MASSIVE Christ-like appeal….the
> prophecy says that people will flock to him and he will
> promise false hope and world peace, and when he is in power,
> he will destroy20everything.
>
> And Now:
> For the award winning Act of Stupidity Of all times the
> People of America want to elect, to the most Powerful
> position on the face of the Planet — The Presidency of the
> United states of America .. A Male of Muslim descent who is
> the most extremely liberal Senator in Congress (in other
> words an extremist) and in his 40’s.
>
> Have the American People completely lost their Minds, or
> just their Power of Reason ???
>
> I’m sorry but I refuse to take a chance on the
> ‘unknown’
> Candidate Obama…
> Let’s send this to as many people as we can so that the
> Gloria Aldreds and other stupid attorneys along with
> Federal Justices that want to thwart common sense, feel
> ashamed of themselves — if they have any such sense.
>
> As the writer of the award winning story ‘ Forest
> Gump’ so
> Aptly put it,
> ‘Stupid Is As Stupid Does’
>
> Each opportunity that you have to send it to a friend or
> Media outlet…do it!
> Or again. . . Just delete if you disagree.

I’ll let you suss that one out for yourself.

And finally, a blog post that didn’t make me slam my head into my desk. It comes from Margaret and Helen, who are our inspiration for starting this blog! In the post, Helen discusses Liddy Dole and her ridiculous attack on Kay Hagan.

Ohhh yeah

Posted in 2008 election, funny, imagination land, political by writerwriting on October 31, 2008

His sister was here yesterday! I had no idea. Sad.

In Soviet Russia, hats wear you

Posted in funny, imagination land by writerwriting on October 20, 2008

Wearer of Hats! Thank you for your diligence. You are certainly a friend to us.

On the other hand, SHAME ON YOU, REST OF THE INTERNETS! Shame. Look at what Hats gave us last night.

Did you even try, Rest of the Internets? I don’t think so.

Now if you’ll excuse me.

*om nom nom nom*

Get the 101st Airborne In There, and Shit

Posted in history, imagination land, personal, television by indiegoddess on October 19, 2008

I just don’t understand why the 101st Airborne Division was like, EVERYWHERE during World War II and did like EVERYTHING in that fucking war. There were like 1,000 deaths in the division, right? And they were at EVERYTHING. And they won like, EVERYTHING.

So, explain to me why we needed to have like, 72 million deaths in that war when we could have just had those people like, do everything. I mean, I will say that Nix and Winters could have just handled all of Nazi Germany BY THEMSELVES. Especially since it is obvs that they could kill everyone with their eyes closed and both hands tied behind their backs.

I mean with Jimi Hendrix up in that shit, everyone else could just sit down and like, eat some watermelon and set off fireworks and set the fuckers who PLAYED Nix and Winters in Band of Brothers out on the fucking Nazis and BAM NO MORE NAZIS.

It could happen. It should have happened. Clearly I am the best military strategist and I should be president now. K, thanks.