Illegal Jesus

Finding the Light

Posted in personal, religion by indiegoddess on December 19, 2008

I’m having a rough time today finding the light.

The last few days have been hectic. They usually are around this time of year. There’s no time for resting, which is something that I need very badly. Even when I spend the day in bed, it still feels like every moment is lived in anticipation of the next. Instead of reading the books I’ve checked out from the library, I’m throat-deep in political news, as usual, and the commentary about it. All of it spins around me until everything feels dark and closed in, and I close my eyes and try to find the light to hold others in, let alone myself, and cheese-and-rice, there’s nothing there. Not even a spark.

Yesterday it was the Jon Favreau issue. Today it’s Rick Warren and anti-semitism. All of these things are issues that need to be dealt with and thought about and the truth needs to be spoken. I’m a little disheartened that there seems to be such a lack of truly progressive voices in my small sphere – no, I’m a lot disheartened. I’m a lot disheartened and de-lighted that so few people are speaking out against such a cacophony of irritation at that speaking out. I decided that I was going to break away from the noise of that irritation – that I was going to look up people that inspire me and listen to them, return some of the books I have to the library and check out some that will bring that spark back when I close my eyes.

So I deleted the results of the conversations in which I was being so attacked, ignored the new ones as they came in; donated my monthly $5.00 to Shakesville, a place where people much more intelligent than me dwell and speak out and bring things to my attention that I am too cocooned to necessarily notice; downloaded some more videos of Cornel West on Democracy Now and scrolled through some old entries at one of the Quaker blogs that I read. This afternoon I’m going to go check out Race Matters, if it’s still there, and make myself a string of prayer beads and close my eyes and see if I can find the light again. Pray for me.

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  1. […] Want to Be in the Light… By indiegoddess Well, your prayers were answered, loves. This morning at meeting a friend’s words really spoke to my condition. She talked about how […]


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