Illegal Jesus

OMGWTFBBQ!@$!@@~

Posted in Uncategorized by writerwriting on November 5, 2008

YOU GUISE! YOU GUISE!

I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH BARACK OBAMA!

Okay omg. First it was Joey B from DelaWHAT. He thanked me for personally electing him and Obama to Vice President and President, respectively. He gave me a kiss on the cheek through the phone and called me pretty and then asked if we had any ice cream because he’s an ice cream man. OMG. And then he smelled what I was cooking and I told him he could come over to dinner.

And then he was all, “Barack Hussein, the phone is for you!” (I love how he calls Obama ‘Barack Hussein’ omg!). And then..THEN I WAS ON THE PHONE WITH OBAMA!

He sounded suspiciously like Joey B but I think that’s just because they’ve been campaigning together and stuff. So OMG. Obama gave me a job at the White House! I am now his SECRETARY OF AWESOME in his cabinet at the White House. OMG! I don’t remember what my salary is but after taxes, I take home $7 million a day, which means yay! I can buy new pants and new shoes! Huzzah!

AND THEN. He said that Dave Matthews Band wanted to be my friend! So omg I am so excited about that. AND THEY INVITED ME TO CHRISTMAS! Yes! I am going to the mall with Malia and Sasha! He’s giving me a bazillion dollars to go shopping.

Y’ALL IT WAS SO EXCITING!!!!

OTHER THINGS I FORGOT ABOUT:

1. I WAS GIVEN SARAH LAWRENCE COLLEGE TO WITH WHAT I PLEASE.

2. FREE HEALTH CARE, DENTAL INCLUDED, TO EVERYONE I KNOW. HEALTH CARE = NOT EVER DYING.

3. HE TURNED MY PARENTS AND BROTHER INTO DEMOCRATS AND NOW THEY LOVE HIM.

4. HE GOT INDIE GODDESS INTO COLUMBIA AND NOW SHE’S A TEACHER.

5. I GET TO BE NAKED ALL THE TIME IF I WANT AND IT WILL BE BEAUTIFUL.

YOU GUYS. YOU GUYS. I AM CRYING.

Advertisements

One Response

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. s said, on November 5, 2008 at 5:09 am

    lmao! you are so strange. =D


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: