Illegal Jesus

Things I Would Like To Know

Posted in personal by indiegoddess on October 23, 2008

I would like to know what my sister’s favourite memory is.

I would like to know what my mother’s favourite memory is.

I would like to know if my sister sees people differently, now that she is a mother. I would like to know if my mom saw people differently after her children were born. I would like to know what my sister thinks the best thing about being married is. I would like to know what my mother remembers the best thing about being married was. I would like to know what the worst thing is, for both of them, as well.

I would like to know what it’s like to live in this world with children. I would like to know if it impacts their views on politics or crime or security or the war. I would like to know if they see their own childhoods differently, since they have kids.

I would like to know what my mom thought of me when I was growing up.

I would like to know what my sister thought of me when I was growing up.

I would like to see how they see me now.

I would like to know if it’s this hard for everyone. I would like to know if life is ever simple. I would like to know how hard it is for them to change their minds or opinions. I would like to know how they have been able to change their minds and opinions in tangible ways. I would like to know who they admire. I would like to know who they despise. I would like to know what keeps them awake at night. I would like to know what happy thoughts would help them fly.

I would like to know what they would have done differently. I would like to know what they wish they could have changed, but looking back wouldn’t. I would like to know one thing they would never tell anyone else. I would like to know one thing they have never told anyone else.

I would like to know if they see their lives as a random lottery of meaningless tragedy and a series of near escapes, or the obvious conclusion of the small choices they’ve made, leading them to where they were always going to be.

I would like to know their favourite place on earth. I would like to know their favourite person. I would like to know who inspired them. Who inspires them. I would like to know what keeps them grounded. What gets them through the day. I would like to know what is really important to them. I would like to know what stupid mistakes they’ve made fifteen years ago that still niggle at the back of their minds. I’d like to know why they think the things they do. I’d like to know what their dreams are. Does my mom want to marry again? Is she content with her dogs and her growing family? How does it feel to have a grandchild? How does it feel to have a child?

I have all of these wonderments. Two of the three most important women in my life, as much as I love them, and as much as we do talk, remain shrouded in mystery to me. It’s my own fault – I don’t know that I’ve ever been comfortable enough to ask them these questions.

But my sister told me awhile ago that if she started a blog, I’d need to tell her what to talk about – and she can take this as a start. My mom already has a blog, but hasn’t been writing in it. She can take these questions, as well, if she’d like to.

I want to know everything there is to know about these women I cherish and admire. I want to know what they see in themselves, and what they see in others. I want to know who they cherish and admire, themselves.

I want to know, I want to know, I want to know. I want someone to tell me.

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2 Responses

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  1. s said, on October 24, 2008 at 12:36 am

    *whhhhhy? whhhhy? whhhhy? ….because i don’t knoooow theee aaaaaanswerrrrrrs. goooodniiiight. goooodniiiight.*

    hehe jk!

    those are a lot of questions, when will i ever find the time to answer them all?? i don’t even have time to SET UP a blog, let alone write on it! =P

  2. pillow talk said, on October 24, 2008 at 2:26 am

    whoa, slow down! that’s too much thinking for my brain…but I will address them in my blog, if I can remember where it is.
    Granny


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