Illegal Jesus

I Privilege High School Sweethearts

Posted in personal by indiegoddess on October 9, 2008

I do.

For some reason, when I hear that some married couple were high school sweethearts, I automatically go “awww.” This is especially true in politics and celebreality. Like, I don’t know – it makes them more “real” if they’re married to someone they knew before they were all powerful and hot shit or something?

This is also true of writerwriting’s parents, who are neither politicians nor celebrities, but are definitely adorable.

Why do I do this? It’s not like it’s a particularly wonderful time in anyone’s lives, high school. The decisions I made at the time were absolutely heinous. And I don’t know what’s going on in their relationships. Why they’re together, why they got together, who they were, who they ARE. So why do I think the fact that they chose these people at patently the most ridiculous time in everyone’s lives is necessarily a GOOD thing? Don’t we all date total and complete idiots in high school? Is that just me?

The voice in my head reminds me that my beautiful, amazing sister and her husband [for more than two years and I still almost write boyfriend] have known each other [and my sister has been in love with him] since she was 14.

And that elderly lesbian couple that got married in my home state as soon as it was legal, after being together 50 years. My sister and her husband chose to wait til she was 21, but they weren’t forced to by their government. They could have gotten married at 18, no problem.  Or in Vegas after knowing each other for a night. [Unless you’re a gay, and then OH NOES.]

I made bullshit choices in highschool.

I’ve been out of highschool for ten years now.

I still make bullshit choices. Obviously stupid ones.

My highschool sweetheart was for shit. A typical mysoginist, patriarchal, cheating asshole. I am glad I didn’t marry him. I am glad I dumped his ass.

I am also glad I dumped the ass of my last boyfriend.

None of it matters to me much.

I met my soul mate when I was 20. We are iron sharpening iron. We are rocks smoothing our rough edges off on each other. We fight, and we sulk [okay, I sulk], and we apologise [I’m usually the only one who NEEDS to]. We make each other better people. Which is, I think, the point of a soul mate. A kindred spirit. The point of true friendship [which I think is a necessary foundation for a successful close relationship of any stripe]. She makes me a better person. Every day that I know her. I’ve known her for eight years and when I look back at who I was when I met her…I was ridiculous. I’m still ridiculous. But I’m a better ridiculous. Much better.

People said we wouldn’t make it. They threw the “OH NOES THEY’RE THE GAY” at us [if people do this to you, run from association with them. They are bigots in ADDITION to being idiots about close friendships]. They said we were getting in over our heads moving across country [she twice], striking out on our own. Yes, we’ve fallen flat on our faces a number of times. I’m currently on my face. I’m currently “not making it.” If I stop at this moment in my life and hold it up to some “perfect life” litmus test, it is a striking, striking failure. But I’ll get up, again, this time – eventually. She’ll reach out as much as she can, as will my sister, as will my mother [I am surrounded by strong, beauiful, fascinating women. I am privileged beyond compare.] as will the community. Hopefully, I will be in a position, next time, to reach out and help one of them get back up and keep walking. And we’ll keep walking together. All of us. Step by step and teaspoon by teaspoon.

I don’t know what goes on in the romantic lives of celebrities. I don’t know what goes on in the romantic lives of politicians. I don’t know what goes on in the romantic lives of my sister and my mother. It’s none of my business. I don’t know what makes relationships stick. I don’t know what makes marriages work. I don’t know that longevity is necessarily the test of strength or beauty or meaning.

In my case, it is.

This is us. Her and me. She and me. We. We’ve been best friends for eight years, and if we keep working at it, we’ll be friends for eighty more.


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5 Responses

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  1. Chris said, on October 10, 2008 at 2:51 pm

    Hi guys 🙂

  2. indiegoddess said, on October 10, 2008 at 10:45 pm

    Chris!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *fangirls*

  3. writerwriting said, on October 11, 2008 at 12:13 am

    Chris totally visits, like, ALL MY BLOGS.

    *is a big deal*

  4. s said, on October 11, 2008 at 12:17 am

    =) i like this post. and holy crap did i find an AIM convo between c and me two nights ago that had me tearing up. so see my bf in high school was an ASS too!! it’s just the difference is that he grew out of it. =P i look forward to ACTUALLY reading all these (instead of just skimming the first post) but that’ll have to wait till b isn’t crying! xoxo

  5. indiegoddess said, on October 11, 2008 at 2:01 am

    You are CLEARLY a BAMF, bb. Just like Neville Longbottom.

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