Laughter is not always the best medicine

One of my biggest turn offs is cruelty (take note, future suitors). I have a strong dislike for mean people. I have very little tolerance for people who think a person’s appearance or economic status is fair game for a laugh. I absolutely cannot stand that People of Walmart website. I absolutely cannot stand it when Keith Olbermann can, in one segment of his show, be a very convincing feminist ally and all-around groovy progressive, and in the next segment, go on to make some snide remark about Ann Coulter’s looks or Rush Limbaugh’s weight (and no, Keith, saying that you yourself are not thin does not make attacking Limbaugh’s weight okay. Just so we’re clear).

While I’ve always not been a fan of cruelty, I’ve not always been kind to my fellow human beings. I’m guilty of a past riddled with sizist, classist, racist, sexist remarks that I deeply regret. It wasn’t until I got into the FA/HAES movement that I saw the damage those kinds of remarks do to everyone, not just the people directly affected. By hating on people different than myself, I in turn made it okay for them to hate on me. And I don’t like being hated on. Do you?

So I began the slow, error-prone process of weeding certain language from my vocabulary. Taking out ‘lame’ and ‘gay’ and ‘retarded’ opened a whole new level of places where my words and phrases were problematic. I discovered things that hurt people I loved, and if those things hurt people I loved, then they were likely hurting people I didn’t even know. I used to be quite fond of the handy internets an acronym, ‘DIAF’, which you may or may not know stands for Die In A Fire. I didn’t REALLY want the people I said it/about to actually die in a fire. I just wanted them to leave me alone. So…why didn’t I just say that? Because I wanted to be cool on the internets. And also, four letters is a lot less than…six or seven entire WORDS (omg what). Then I found out a very close friend of mine was really bothered by that little saying – four harmless little letters by themselves – because of something in her past. It took me awhile but I was finally able to stop using it. I have developed ‘ go jump into the sun’ for inanimate objects or ideas because sometimes, my ideas could probably use the restorative power of fire to become better.

The internet is a place where people can hide their true identities and put their conscience to rest. I’m afraid that trend of fearlessness is beginning to leak out into the non-internet world because seriously, what kind of person thinks it’s okay to physically attack someone who is fat or gay or black or trans or an activist for any of those groups? What kind of person thinks it’s appropriate conduct to yell at the president when he’s addressing a joint session of Congress? No one yelled at President Bush about WMDs and he really WAS lying about that.

But I digress.

People of Walmart is a disgusting website. Apparently I’m not allowed to think so because they have an FAQ explaining how they don’t post pictures that mock a person’s size or class or something. I think I’m supposed to understand that this website is making fun of people who wear clothes that some people find objectionable/appalling/shocking/tacky/hideous/unflattering and that it isn’t making fun of anyone’s class or body size or appearance or anything and how do you know, Writer Writing, if they’re poor just by looking at them? That’s classist! (No, seriously. I heard that one today.) I’ve yet to find anything amusing on that website. And believe me, I looked. Because I thought maybe I was being a little bit too sensitive about it. But no, after about five minutes of browsing, I realized that I take absolutely no joy in the humiliation of others and that People of Walmart is just another corner of the internet machine that I will spend the next 15 minutes (or however long internet memes last these days) of my life ignoring the constant suggestions I get telling me to GO NOW OMG WRITER WRITING NO SRSLY LOL IT’S HILARIOUS~

I suppose if that makes me a humorless person, then I am vastly humorless. I am barren of humor. I am a black hole in the universe of Funny Things. I gobble up all of your good humor* and you never see it again because I am just so devoid of anything funny. Ho-hum.

People of the Internets Earth, why can’t you be nice to one another? I know it isn’t easy because some people are just irritating as shit, but that doesn’t make it okay to hurt them with your fists or with your words. None of us are perfect and we’re all going to say something wrong at least once, but can’t we just all work together to make this world a safer and happier place for everyone? If you truly disagree with someone, argue them on their points of view and beliefs, not on their appearance. It just makes you look like a ginormous douchebag if you counter their viewpoint with, “Oh yeah? WELL YOU’RE FAT/UGLY/POOR/GAY/BLACK”. There’s a high road and there’s a low road. You can choose to engage someone on an intellectual or spiritual level or you can choose to undermine, demean, and marginalize them. The next time you encounter something that has given someone else pause, stop for a minute and give their pause consideration. It’s the nice thing to do.

*I want ice cream.

A moratorium on bullshit

I finally got to watch the Wizards of Waverly Place movie tonight. JFC WHAT TOOK ME SO LONG? That movie was awesome. I’m a little sad that David Henrie is a twat IRL because he was kind of adorable in parts, and I love Selena Gomez way too much for someone my age.

Today was supposed to be a Good Day after a rather shitastic week, but it really didn’t get to be a Good Day. Indie Goddess and I both had nightmares (THANKS A LOT, DOLLHOUSE FROM LAST WEEK), and I didn’t feel very well. I did get my car inspected (it passed, you’ll be happy to know) and I got some yummy rustic bread from the Weave. But it’s been kind of a blah day. I got a bug in my butt about making pumpkin spice muffins (COVERED. IN. CREAM CHEESE FROSTING.) thanks to my friend, but when I went to Target, there was no spice cake mix. When I went to Kroger, there was no spice cake mix. FINALLY, at Harris Teeter, there was spice cake mix. WTF TRIANGLE. I bought a new bra on clearance – to replace the TWO of the three I own that have snapped underwires – only to find out it didn’t fit (don’t yell at me about not trying it on; I had already tried on two pairs of jeans and for some reason the fitting room gave me anxiety), which bummed me out.

The pumpkin spice muffins? Delicious as hell.

ANYWAY. The point of this post was to call a moratorium on bullshit because I didn’t not have a Good Day. So here are the results of my raid on The Commons at Flickr.

A skeleton! From the Powerhouse Museum.

Library of Congress.

Library of Congress.

Library of Congress. DOES SHE LOOK FAMILIAR TO YOU? She should.

Library of Congress. I love her hat.

Library of Congress.

Okay. OKAY. Clearly I got sidetracked by WW2.

Poor, put-upon white people

So the post on privilege has given us a lot more traffic than normal and ten whole comments on one post. The latest comment (at the time I’m writing this), is the one you see below.

I’ll start this out by saying that I believe acknowledging privilege is unnecessary. We have all had it shoved down our throats (especially those who spent a great deal of time in the deep south) that, in being white, we are privileged. By having disposable income, we are privileged. Being male is another privilege. Being heterosexual is yet another.
Honestly, there is nothing I can do about my privilege. I sure as hell won’t be ashamed of who I am and where I came from. Someone who screams “But you’re PRIVILEGED!” intends to make me feel that way.
There were always ‘power imbalances’ in society. There always will be. There will always be oppressed people. It’s the ‘You VS. Me’ dynamic. It is a human trait – a survival mechanism, to protect the ‘tribe’.
Not to say that we shouldn’t try to change things. But first we have to acknowledge human nature. Societal Homogenization will do no one any good…it’s just a Communism of a different color.

Poor, poor put-upon white people. Always having to be reminded of their whiteness. Always having to be reminded of our shady, imperialist, genocidal past by the people we oppressed/conquered/enslaved/killed people who just want to make us feel bad about our skin color. Why do they have to remind us of these things that happened in the past? We’re white (male, straight, cis, able bodied). We know we have it better than everyone else.

Except that we don’t. Anyone who has spent any time in the deep South should know that. Anyone who has had to sit through a movie or television show or hell, even a commercial that insults, demeans, minimizes, or makes into a “funny” joke hir experience, appearance, ability, or sexuality should know that. But we don’t. If we did know this, if we were aware of our privilege subconsciously, without any kind of philosophical consideration, we wouldn’t diminish rape to something as banal as a stereo being too loud and hurting our ears. We wouldn’t tell sufferers of depression to just “cheer up” or to tell POC to “relax, it was just a joke.”

A lot of people don’t get it or don’t want to get it or think it’s too PC or any number of other things, and that is fucking harmful. To not want to acknowledge your privilege is to not want to consider another’s experience. It opens a doorway into all kind of abuse of power. Abuse of privilege.

By asking someone to acknowledge hir privilege, we’re not asking them to be homogeneous. We’re asking them to consider the fact that in certain situations, they are going to say or do something that is offensive or racist or sexist and that when someone calls them on it, they will be able to take a step back, see where their privilege blinded them to another person’s situation, and learn not to do it again.

And as far as oppressing other people being part of human nature, survival and tribal protection, what say you of communities and tribes that are in mutually beneficial relationships? Are you really suggesting that the oppressed shouldn’t fight for freedom?

(And Indie Goddess would like to say, “What the fuck is that evo-psych bullshit?”)

An Illegal Jesus vocabulary lesson: douche*

Word truncated so you can add your own ending. It’s like a choose-your-own-adventure for words! May I suggest: -hound, -nozzle, -hat, -razor.

Douche is a word laden with controversy. I know feminists who won’t use it because douches are Bad Things Used Against Women ™. I know non-feminists who won’t use it because it’s gross, or also Bad Things Used Against Women ™, or something that women do and therefore, anti-feminist.

We here at Illegal Jesus, cunty feminists the both of us, choose to use douche* as our prime descriptor. Here’s why: douching is a concept that is inherently anti-woman. It teaches us to put chemicals that are dangerous (Lysol at one point, ladies!) and not natural to the vagina so that it smells “nice” and is “appealing” and “inviting” and “not dirty”. To men. Society tells us, by suggesting (demanding) we assault our self-cleaning, full of good bacteria vaginas with harsh, unnatural and dangerous chemicals, that the vagina is gross. Douching is A Very Bad Thing and incredibly anti-woman, and by using douche* to describe disagreeable people, concepts, behaviors, statements, etc., we are not insulting women. We’re saying you’re a painful, harsh chemical that is a pain in our lovely, lovely cunts.

Privilege

So, Marianne lost her temper on the internets over this post about privilege. Marianne says it a lot better than I probably can. But you know, I’ll give it a shot. I am, after all, half owner of this blog!

I’ve been trying to articulate what about the original post rubbed me the wrong way. It feels like bragging. It feels like an absence of acknowledgment that other people do not have, will not ever have, her privilege, and that in that absence, she does not care that other people do not have, will not ever have. I have a friend who isn’t concerned with health care reform because he’s young, healthy, and has insurance. It doesn’t affect him. He can’t understand why I’m so affected by it, because I am young, relatively healthy, and have insurance. The original post makes me feel a lot like my friend’s comments make me feel when we discuss health care reform.

I could be misunderstanding the point of the OP’s post, and I invite her to clear up any of my misconceptions here. But I think Marianne is right. Acknowledge your privilege, but don’t be a douchebag about it.

Fallen by the wayside

A post from my phone! Just a quick update to say I really do plan to make more use of this blog. I’m working on a post about the Holocaust and feminsim right now. Well, okay. It’s more of a rant. But whatever, it’s content!

I bring you links and not much else

Well, hey there! We have both been notably absent from the blog lately, and maybe someday we’ll tell you about it, but for the moment, I wanted to get some stuff up here. Mostly to remind myself of it later so I can update our blogroll. Using your blog as a personal planner: ur doin it right.

I have taken a particular interest lately in feminism and disability, as my sister friend partner lady Indie Goddess is a disabled feminist. Feminists With Disabilities is a fairly new blog and so far, it is just so full of good information that I’m a bit overloaded. But go there and read and take it to heart. I am particularly enamored with their word profiles.

Next up on the list of stuff: FAT. As in I AM FAT and I AM TIRED OF BEING RELEGATED TO A LOWER STATUS BECAUSE OF MY WEIGHT. Yes, State In Which I Reside. I’m talking to you. North Carolina’s State Health Plan, which serves all state employees, will soon demand I pay to see a doctor so that doctor can take my BMI, write it down on a form, so I can turn that form into my employer, who will shift me to expensive insurance with really shitty coverage. PARTY TIMES! This on top of them nixing vision coverage on the SHP, which means opting for a change in vision coverage through the Flex program, which I just discovered today will also take into account what I did in 2009, which means I can’t get more contacts until 2011. THANKS, NORTH CAROLINA! YOU’RE A GEM.

Next up on the list of stuff: UNC CHAPEL HILL! What with their amazing policies on students with disabilities who have been very ill off and on for over two years, UNC-CH has oh-so-kindly informed Indie Goddess that hey, even though you are agoraphobic and were unable to leave the house for over a year, we will not drop that disastrous fall semester from your record! Good luck graduating within the completely unrealistic time frame we have established for our students! Because Indie Goddess suffers largely from non-visible disabilities, she is not always taken seriously or at her word. Faculty and staff are less willing to work with her and far less understanding in terms of her disabilities, which manifest in a variety of ways. When either of us complain, we are ignored. Do any of our fair readers have suggestions in dealing with a university administration and mental illness?

And now I must finish up the laundry and begin the night time rituals.

Peace and love,
Writer Writing

This ain’t livin’: An Open Letter to Feministing.com

Dear Feministing,

I’ve been reading you guys for a while now. I haven’t always liked everything you do or say, but I think that you bring some important issues to my attention and sometimes some good conversations happen on your website.

But, you know, in recent months I’ve become increasingly disturbed by the exclusionary language and attitudes I see on your site, most particularly in reference to people with disabilities and people in lower social classes. You have a pretty poor track record on even covering disability issues, and the casual ableism which I see in your comment threads and sometimes in your very posts is extremely grating. It is especially irritating to see dismissive responses from site administrators when this issue is brought up.

Today’s post on chivalry was the last straw. Courtney used the line “If having my car door opened makes me feel like lover man thinks I’m an invalid, not so feminist.” This is offensive.

I’d like to point you to a piece I wrote recently, “Why Inclusionary Language Matters,” because I think you need to read it. Using ableist language is not just offensive, it’s antifeminist. And I would really appreciate it if y’all would stop doing it and stop tolerating it in your comment threads. I would also love to see y’all including more posts talking about topics related to disability and disability issues.

Please address this. Feminism includes people with disabilities. Disability is a feminist issue. Please make Feministing more inclusionary.

Thank You,

s.e. smith/meloukhia (meloukhia at gmail dot com)

Cosigned,
Writer Writing
Indie Goddess
Illegal Jesus

—

Background info with updates at meloukhia’s original post. I’m a bit late getting this up but even with the advancements, it’s still an important issue.

Let Me Tell You Why I’ve Been Gone

I’ve been so sick lately that I haven’t been able to move. If I didn’t know better I’d think I was up the spout. Throwing up and dry heaving all morning and every time I get out of bed, and other things you don’t want to know about. No, trust me. The free clinic was supposed to give me a referral to a doctor who might be able to run some tests if I can ever get insurance. But so far no luck. Meanwhile, just having the computer on my stomach makes me sick to my stomach. You can imagine what this is doing for my turned-in-homework percentage in my online summer session courses. Luckily I have very understanding professors, but you know me… Always sure that patience is about to run out. Ah well. I promised myself I’d read fir Anthropology at 2 and it’s past 3:30. I’d better at least try. Here’s hoping you’ll hear from me again soon. These four month dry patches have got to end.

Matthew McConaughey is an ass

“[The lack of sleep] is something that you ladies, you women and mothers have in you that I don’t think us fathers do, and we thank you for it. Because I need my eight hours.”

Taken from a quote within an interview within an article. Or something. Here. I was reading about Jennifer Garner (love) and her adorable daughters (lovelove), and then McConawhosit was all LAWL GENDER ROLES.